Nothing says “the mysterious girl from your high school who you always knew you’d admire in ten years once you stopped wearing fake Uggs every day” quite like a statement jumpsuit. I took years to be converted, memories of unsnapping babies from onesies to change diaper blowouts and my disproportionate leg to torso ratio causing a severe aversion. But Reader, I love them. My formal to casual jumpsuit spectrum is now long and multi-coloured, from the black catsuit-esque to the ultra flowy culotte pinstripe. As my love for the jumpsuit has grown, I’ve thought from time to time about what it would be like to get married in one. In honor of that yearning, here are five options at five very different price points that say five different things, all of which boil down to “I am extremely cool and also can ride a horse in comfort while being married.” Is this what writing a horoscope column is like? If so, sign me up.
ASOS Tall Cape Wedding Jumpsuit ($253)
A cape and a jumpsuit? Just say hello to me in the passing period between fourth and lunch and make my year already. You are on cutting edge trend with just a hint of who-cares whimsy. You have the flare for the dramatic, but also aren’t trying to spend more than you would on a decent suit. You will certainly re-wear this to Beyonce concert with a statement hat.
Lulu’s Edith White Jumpsuit ($61)
You’re classic, practical, sensible, and oh-so-ok with it. You likely have one pair of perfect work shoes that you searched for at the right price for months that somehow work with everything, are comfortable, and make your legs look amazing. No frills necessary when you’re confident with how you carry something off, and no concern about price or brand names when you know it’s just one day in a life of elegance.
Roland Moure Primrose Peplum Overlay Jumpsuit at Saks Fifth Ave ($3,995)
You just spent four grand on a jumpsuit, so I don’t think you need me to tell you anything about yourself. But here it goes- alternative apparel doesn’t mean sacrificing one bit of the glamour that you also pictured for your wedding day. The extra-wide legs are more reminiscent of a dress than some of our other options, and that’s you- subtle, but still outside the box.
Solace London Cream Cecila Jumpsuit ($700 retail, $85-105 at RTR)
There are design accents at your wedding that I am not really actively noticing, but are almost certainly making my overall experience somehow better. If your cake/dessert of choice doesn’t have a matching cascading ruffle, you are really missing an opportunity. A little bit avant-garde, a little bit accessible- you’re basically Christian Siriano.
Amazon Cutout Jumpsuit ($89.95)
We get it, you’re crazy hot! Just kidding, I’m really happy for you. This is a bold look for a confident bride, at least as long as you’re a size eight or less (since that’s as high as this look goes!). The lack of upscale plus-size jumpsuits was the most disheartening part of the otherwise fun research of writing this piece. Brides of every size deserve to have to get fully naked to pee while also somehow making sure the pant legs don’t drag on the bathroom floor.
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